Control
by ChalkOutline22
Summary: "So you like, do stuff with your parents outside of therapy?" Emma remembers the first time she started to starve herself.


_**Hey guys! Okay so, I am in LOVE with Red Band Society! This idea came to me while watching episode 2. This is just my story on a reason why I think Emma may have became anorexic. I believe her character is 16 in the show, so in the flashback she's 8. I know this is stupid and sucks, but it's 4 in the morning and I was in a writing mood and I just love Emma and Red band society. This takes place right after Episode 2. Enjoy :) **_

_**Emma's POV:**_

It was almost midnight, but I just couldn't fall asleep. My mind kept going back to the picture of me and my dad wearing our father/daughter shirts that Kara had to point out earlier.

We look happy and really close, don't we? Well, we may be close, but not in the way that a father and daughter should be close. Also, the only reason I look so happy is because I'm good at faking and hiding things. It was all an act to keep my "perfect" family happy and close.

I just couldn't get my mind off of the picture. I felt so disgusting and gross seeing my father looking down and smiling at me. I got out of bed, put the picture face down and stared in the mirror at myself.

As I was checking over my body to make sure I didn't look any heavier than last night, I couldn't help but remember the first time it happened... The thing that caused me to start to starve myself.

_8 years ago_

_"Emma" I woke up to my dad whispering. I opened my eyes to see him standing over my bed._

_I slowly sat up, rubbed my tired eyes and looked at the clock to find out it was 3 in the morning. _

_"Daddy?" I questioned, concerned that something was wrong. "I love you Emma" he whispered as he sat down next to me, gently pushing me back so that I was lying down again._

_"Is everything okay?" I questioned, still confused and concerned. "Everything's fine, just your mom is still at work and when she gets home she will be too tired to play our game. I need you to play it with me" he answered._

_"What game?" I questioned. Why would they play a game at 3 in the morning? Did they do this often? They get to play games while I have a bed time? Not fair!_

_"It's a secret game, you can't tell anybody" he said back, running his hand through my hair._

_"But, if you play it with mommy then it's not a secret" I said back. He looked angry for a second, but quickly replaced it with a small smile. A smile that I've never noticed on him towards me before. That was a smile he saved just for mom. I noticed he smiled at mom like that whenever they kissed or made out._

_"Mommy will get mad if she finds out that I played our secret game with anybody else. Don't tell her or she will get really mad at you" he explained. _

_"Okay" I agreed, excited that I knew about their secret game. _

_I was soon to find out that this was a game I never played before, a game that I never wanted to ever play again. Dad touched me in spots that mom taught me were my private "no no" places. I remember she told me that nobody was to ever touch me there. _

_But, I promised dad I wouldn't tell her, and I didn't want her to get mad at me. _

_When it was all over, about 30 minutes later, dad walked towards the door and looked back at me. _

_"That was fun, but your mommy plays it better. But, if she keeps working all these hours then I'll just have to keep playing with you. Good night Emma" he said before quietly leaving my room. _

**Back to present day:**

I remember how horrible I felt after my dad said that my mom played the secret game better than me. I felt worthless and stupid, because of how disappointed my dad sounded when he said that to me.

That's when I first started starving myself, when I was only 8 years old. I felt that if I couldn't be as great as my mom, then I didn't deserve to eat.

Of coarse it was so hard for me to completely starve myself, considering my mom always wanted me to finish all my dinner and breakfast. But, she didn't seem to care when I started to completely stop eating all deserts that she made.

She didn't notice when I fed most of my food to our family dog when she wasn't looking.

I just didn't deserve to eat or to have any fun if I couldn't play the secret game as good as my mom. I obviously was still eating, just not a lot. The worst of my anorexia happened 4 years after that first night.

As I became older, I became aware that the "game" was wrong and not a game at all. My dad was only using me to replace what mom couldn't give him. Since my mom was always either working, taking care of me or sleeping because she was super tired.

My dad said that he needed that kind of love in his life, and since mom was too tired for it because she was taking care of me, I owed it to dad to give him that love that mom couldn't.

I felt so gross and disgusted with myself. Every time I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw. I needed some control in my life. That's when I completely started to starve myself and over exercise.

Since I was 12, I was old enough to make sure I ate and didn't need mom to watch over me and make sure I finished all my dinner.

Tricking my parents wasn't hard, considering mom was never home and dad didn't care about me until night time.

I skipped every meal, except for the occasional diet bar. Which even then when I broke down and ate one of those, I made sure I exercises.d all the calories off.

When I didn't eat, I felt like I was in control. I had control over that part in my life, and that's something that my father couldn't take away from me.

I just loved that empty feeling inside my stomach, the feeling of hunger. It made me feel important and special. I was addicted to not eating, and that's something that will always be a part of me.

The man who was supposed to love me like a father, replaced that love for the kind that mom couldn't give him. Because of that, my anorexia reminds me that I do have control over something in my life.

_**Well, I hope you enjoyed. Like I said, this was just an idea I had on why Emma became anorexic. I know it is a horrible story and sucks. But, please leave a review and let me know what you think about this and how much you love the show!** __**P.s. I own nothing.**_

_**-ChalkOutline22**_


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